Hitting The Wall!

Well I suppose when the day comes that we can look back on all of this yesterday will trully be the day we hit the wall. I hesitate to even say that because it isn't over by a long shot.
Before I move on let me say that I am overwhelmed by ALL you guys that commented. I was a little afraid if I vented too much but I feel I just had to so thanks for letting me do so. To be honest I feel humbled by all you guys and you'll never what it means to us here. I would mention all of you by name but I'm afraid I would miss someone. I just want to say hi to Michelle and Andre, as I believe this is the first time we have heard from you, as well thanks Wade for touching base my friend. And yes to your pizza ?, there are a few good ones to be had here , but maybee none as memorable as the one in Florida.
To get back to our journey, we did get a call last night regarding our courtdate and the judge would't budge so we wait till Thurs. the 15th.With this news we new this through our time line out the window and wasn't what we were hoping for. For the record if you have been along on our journey thus far you see by now that I don't hold a whole lot back and that will continue to be the case. I have been accused of wearing my feelings on my sleve before , so be it. I also feel that not to be honest or hold back certain feelings would be like reading a good novel and finding a couple of key chapters missing. There won't be any missing for you here I will give it all to you, the good , the bad , and the ugly. As you have read on the comments a couple spent 5 and a half months here . That seems to incredible to believe , but I believe it. So with that in mind some would say what do you have to complain about, and you would be right. I realize there are times when we display great faith and trust and then there are those times when you want to throw in the towel. All part of the human condition I guess. I said on a previous post that I was no quitter and I mantain that although last night for a few moments I was a little shakey. I felt I just needed to talk with someone, anyone that might understand how we were feeling. You see to compound the courtdate thing, Nastya was struggling as well. We took some time to settle her down and try and have her communicate with us how she was feeling. We had our conversion book in hand and began. At the end of it she made it quite clear that she wanted to go back to the Orphanage and stay in Ukraine. In her words Canada-no, Ukraine -yes! So you see it all seemed to becoming undone.
Getting back to that someone to talk to, I phoned a fellow we had met when we first arrived. His name is Ed, he is Canadian but has lived here for 11 years. He married here and has a family now and has made Ukraine his home. He works as a missionary to the Orphanages here providing whatever help and resources he can. He recieves support from bach home in Can. as well as from the U.S. A terrific guy and I hoped he had an ear to listen. He could'nt have been more abliging and understanding. He set the record straight for me right away by telling me that he's known of no one that ever got out of Ukraine according to their timeline, it is always 1 to 2 weeks later or more. That was for starters, he went on to say that most real bonding only takes place once you have the child back home. You can only have so much of an inpact here and you have to accept that. On telling him of Nastya's position he likened it to the children of Isreal when they came out of Egypt( slavery) and headed for the promised land. Well we all know the rest of the story, they got in the dessert and wanted to return to Egypt before reaching the promised land. He said no matter what we tell her about Canada it doesn't matter, SHE ONLY KNOWS WHAT SHE KNOWS. This statement really hit me and I knew that he was right. Ed will never know how much that call to him meant. I felt as if something ( a dark cloud lifted off of me). On top of that I looked at Nastya in a whole new way, more understanding, and more appreciation for her position. Actually last night proved to be probably our best night together, I can't really explain ,but a certain closeness we hadn't felt before. Today we move ahead with renewed passion and focus. I have learned that I am probably more of a realist now than I ever thought I was. I always said I was the eternal optimist. Maybee I'm somewhere in the middle??,all I know is that it truly is in the Lords hands and we have to leave it there. His timing is perfect and we can't forget this. So today we just enjoy Nastya, go for a walk and breath deeply. We are ok and do trust things will work out for the best in the end.
Well I hate to share this part with you, because you will want to be here. The weather is wonderful, springlike, sunshine, Ok I'm sorry I'll stop.
Take care all of you and a HUGE thankyou for all your kind words of support. I suspect Debbie will want to post later today. Love ya all much, Randy
P.S, I was just wondering if my cousin Barry is still on board, if so would love to here from you wherever you are??