I hate to keep beating the same drum but you can only speak of whats on your mind. I've always known that saying was true, but I don't believe I could ever have known the deep truth of it until now. Something inside of you just aches and you can't remedy it . You know only one thing will satisfy that longing and that is the reality of being there. I really appreciate hearing from you Keith as you guys can so relate to it all. I do believe that we will indeed have that opportunity to get together in person one day. Who knows maybee sooner than later, now that my sis is onboard. Even though we have never met we feel a pretty close connection with you guys. We just need to make a resolve that we will all just somehow make it happen. For us the end is in sight, and as you say I ought to relish whats left as it will be along time before we set foot on these shores again. I will try and heed your advice, as that seems like a lot better idea than just wishing it all away.
Well today is pretty much a down day, don't think Nastya will get out at all. She does appear to be a little better today so she is probably on the better side of her cold battle. From here I head for the market to grab something for supper. It becomes a challenge to find a variety after being here this long. I just look at the food cases and try and remember when we had such and such, if I don't recall it right away then it winds up in the bottom of the cart. One thing I said at an earlier point I will still stand by. No matter how much time we spend here I don't see that we are really making much progress. I see it clear now for myself that it all starts for real once we get home. Every time we encounter anyone from here, from our driver, to our translator to the lady at the market, makes no difference she will gravitate to them instantly. Its all the language thing and whats familiar to her that she runs to. Until its only us that she looks to as her parents we can only impact to a point. This is a process that just takes time, I know that the real fruit of all this will only take place at home in her new surroundings. Wished I had more to say but not much else to share at this point. Next week hopefully will put the last few pieces of the puzzle together. You know whats stange is that everytime I get myself on a time line again something inside of me says, be carefull remember this is still Ukraine. Anything can go wrong , even at the 12'th hour. I don't mean that the addoption can be overturned, I mean to even book your return flights and all. I'm going to blame my negative outlook on the system here, thats what its done to me. Until we're on the plane heading for home I'm not really celebrating too much.
Well I'm outahere, take care and CAN'T WAIT to see you all, Randy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Randy: My heart hurts to know you are living in such fear of the "12th hour" negative possibilities. I'm at a loss for words and asked God to give me the words to encourage you . . .
-Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10
-If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6
-A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
-Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
-Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. The Lord will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. Psalm 41: 1-2
-The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7
-Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 4:11
-A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19
-I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Peace my brother,
Laura
Laura...About your idea of getting Randy and Debbie out here again,....You bet!, we would love to get together. :-)
the above post was mine.
Keith
I don't either know what it is Randy, but you guys have our hearts wrapped up in your adoption. I find the way you face issues and even express your feelings is so very similar to myself. Ha Is that a good thing or bad?
I would like to share something here with R&D, as well as with their friends and family. I hope I don't make any enemies. Yikes. But it is a subject that is sensitive and I wished someone could have told our families a few things ahead of time instead of us trying to tell them this once we started seeing a few problems. It might be stuff that you all have thought about and have discussed already, but I will risk it. Randy and Deb can shoot me down and tell you all that this doesn’t apply to them, and I will be all the happier for them, but I suspect they might agree with me here...
This is about attachment and bonding. An orphanage child often does not have the same circuits of attachment and dependency wired up in their little heads yet, and so that causes problems in a parent / adopted child relationship. Look at bonding like... bonds or ropes. A rope is made of many strings or fibers. Many strings make a strong rope. A strong child-to-parents bond is made when there are repetitions of a child having a need, and then getting the need supplied. A child cries and it gets held and comforted; a child is hungry/gets fed. She gets a splinter/dad pulls it out. She feels sad/mom hugs her. She throws a tantrum/she gets held till she gives in. etc etc etc Every one of these things, and many others, is not a bad thing!! Those are OPPORTUNITIES to make another string of attachment, to make that bond strong,(almost imperceptibly at times). Every time she cries or has a problem, it is an opportunity to teach her where her security is (in her parents). Even a little thing like Dad or Mom being the one to hand her a drink of water when she’s thirsty helps that develop. And it is VERY important that an adopted child develops that bond to her parents. It rewires the brain and sets a strong base for life. All other attachments to grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends, and even future husband, will largely be based upon and strengthened by a strong attachment to parents.
Now when a child comes home from Ukraine for example, she has been with these new people for a few weeks maybe, and there simply has not been time for that bond to have happened yet. It is started, but.... just barely. A year from now and you will see that it will be completely different, and in 2 years I think we all (even us in our situation with Christina) will see that it is even better yet.
So, my advice to the extended family is to give them plenty of space for awhile. To have too many people around at first confuses a child, and since others usually are happy to see her, and bring her presents and smile at her, yet never have to discipline her,… she could actually be confused as to who she really loves. A week after we were home we took Christina to the doctor for a checkup and in the waiting room she got off my lap to go get a book, and when she returned, she tried to climb into the lap of a grizzled old man who had smiled at her. We told him what the deal was and he immediately stopped paying her attention, and told me... "You need to train her to be scared of strangers, her friendliness is not a good thing for her." It was thought provoking.
If R&D are like us... they will sometimes sit and smile outwardly, and yet cringe abit inside, at the attention Nastya will get from the rest of you well meaning friends, and the way she will be so overly friendly right back. Our girl was smaller so we had to finally tell our friends that it was best if they did not hold her. We felt like selfish parents, but I feel that we did the right thing by restricting her from others, especially for the first few months. Every child is different, but we didn't take her to church or give her too much contact with any family or friends for quite some time, till we felt she was settled. And I know that it paid off well. So I know this is totally weird for me to be saying all this to you all, but if it helps….. then I am willing to say it.
Nastya is no.1, and the best way to love her is step back abit, let R&D look after her and any of her little needs. Allow Randys and her to settle and bond as a unit for a while. If Randys seem hesitant to resume full-bore social life, support them and pray for them.
I must say though, that it appears that R&D have awesome friends and family. You are all so blessed.
Keith
(feeling really weird and humble right now) :-)
Post a Comment